Here at funny book club, we have no time for miserable literature and we want more funny books!
We salute Daisy Goodwin who has recently spoken about the amount of mis lit in the 2010 Orange Prize list.
In time for "We Want Funny Books Day" on April 1st, we are launching a competition to come up with the best mis-lit spoof title.
The prize is four funny books from Endaxi Press, including volumes of Banana The Poet's hilarious Alternative Poetry Books and the soon to be released " Beach Book" - a collection of funny summer stories by some of the funniest writers around.
You will also win a mock up copy of your spoof mis-lit book.
To start you off, here's a few funny book club has received already:
The Lice Man Cometh- A nit nurse saga set in a middle England Primary School
My P.E Hell
The swapped me for a Pot Noodle
Leave your entries in the comments here, or come and join in the silliness at #funnybookclub on twitter.
Follow @funnybookclub for details.
Competition closes 29th March 2010
We look forward to your entries!
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"About A Koi"
ReplyDeleteMark, an eccentric, introverted, bullied twelve-year-old, lives alone with his suicidal mother, Diana, and Constantine, his bipolar-disorder-suffering pet fish (a koi). Madcap misery ensues when Mark meets manic record collector Tony.
LOL! That's fabulous, Freddie!
ReplyDelete"A Dish Called Fonda"
ReplyDeleteThe story of Natalia, a 13-year-old whose dreams of being a model are shattered when her BMI exceeds her IQ -- a result of her mother's untreatable addiction to Nigella cooking programmes. Natalia is faced with a devastating decision -- should she simply have a frontal lobotomy to correct the body/mind imbalance, or go down the dark, irreversable path of weightloss/regain by making a series of workout videos?
"Diary of a Birmingham Bunny Boiler"
ReplyDeleteby Bostin' the Door
"No Willy, No Woman, No Cry"
ReplyDeleteThe devastating story of Cedric, eunuch and Bob Marley impersonator, and his life-long battle with low sexual self-esteem and blocked tear ducts.
Piles of money, piles of unhappiness
ReplyDeleteHemerrhoid suffering, down-trodden spinster, Janice Pry, thinks life has changed for the better when she wins the lottery. However, she quickly realises money can't buy you love, happiness or comfy cushions. Her life spirals downwards after she meets silver haired lothario, Dr Romeoh and spends all her winnings on his new and experimental cures for her rockford files.
"Les Miserables"
ReplyDeleteThe heart-rending story of Leslie Miserables, rejected by his birth parents, beaten senseless on a daily basis by alcoholic foster parents, rescued from domestic hell by a paedophile Catholic priest who buggers him silly on alternate days and forces him to eat dog food, eventually adopted by a nurse suffering from Munchausen's Syndrome By Proxy who ruins his physical health by medicating him for non-existent conditions and destroys what is left of his mental health by involving him in Satanic rituals, until the day when young Leslie escapes and makes his way to the office of Max Clifford where he secures a lucrative publishing deal, but sadly dies the day before the advance cheque is received.
There just aren't enough Kleenex tissues in the world to take you through the unmitigated horror and despair of "Les Miserables".
"Tuesdays with Morrisons"
ReplyDeleteAn old woman, a young woman, and a battle to get to the front of the queue at the hot deli counter. Life's not easy when you're faced with wonky trolley wheels and a smudged shopping list.
Will the BBQ chicken wings be as good as they remember? Or will the new range of roasted ham hocks prove too much of a temptation?
The counter service confrontation will bring back food rationing memories for one of the women and a search for powdered egg for the other.
VJ Corfield
"Mr T ate my Snickers Bar"
ReplyDeleteBy Jenny Taylor
The heartrending true story of a young girl struck down in a rare disco-dancing accident. She is left in a coma, fighting for her life, when the hero of the A-Team dashes to her bedside in a mercy visit.
Alone in her room he succumbs to temptation and devours her one and only Snickers Bar.
Only she knows the truth; but she is unable to communicate with the world and tell them of her hero's terrible act of greed and betrayal.
Will she wake up again? Will the world ever find out what Mr T did in his darkest hour?
These are hilarious folks, keep them coming!
ReplyDelete"From the Wrong Side of the Chavs"
ReplyDeleteBoris Flatulency-Marketstall was thrown out of his elite boarding school at the age of 13 when his investment banker parents ran off to the Costa Blotto with the contents of his Post Office account.
Forced into an Essex comprehensive school, he suffers a number of humiliating encounters. He doesn't even know the significance of wearing white heels with a shell suit, so he can't rely on his good looks and posh voice to pick up a girlfriend to protect him.
He gets a tattoo of Winston Churchill on his chest in an attempt to blend in, but his gesture seems futile when the locals discover he's never eaten a Pot Noodle. Not ever. Not even the chicken and mushroom one.
There's only one thing Boris has going in his favour. One thing that could save his life. The one thing his father taught him before going on the run ...
He knows the difference between a spork and a knife ...
VJ Corfield
"It's me or the biscuit"
ReplyDeleteby Matt Damon
A story of love lost and Tunnocks wafers. A major celebrity finds himself crashing back down to earth when the love of his life throws him out of bed for not eating biscuits.
Sofa's Choice
ReplyDeleteTrue story of one woman's heartbreaking DFS dilemma.
Two sofas are erroneously delivered following an Easter Monday Sale impulse buy -- but Sadie can only keep one. The other must be returned.
Whatever her decision, her life and living room will never be the same again.
The boy who couldn't cry
ReplyDeleteDue to his mothers addiction to NightNurse and twiglets during her pregnancy, Bob Splinterbrook was born with a rare condition that blocks the tear ducts, called Icannaecryme.
Unable to cry, bawl or even snuffle, Bob's life as a young child was filled with heartache as he was unable to throw strops at will or to get his own way. In adulthood, his resultant lack of confidence, self-loathing and his hatred of fellow human beings led him perfectly to a career in politics.
Read the true story of West Basingtoke's MP Bob Splinterbrook in all good book shops, and a few bad ones too.
"I, a Mayfly"
ReplyDeleteA tragically short autobiography.
The Special K Factor
ReplyDeleteWhen scurvy-suffering pub singer, Carrie Oakey, gets through the first round of the X Factor, she sees light at the end of the tunnel in her moribund life.
However, life takes a turn for the worse when she swallows a plastic toy from a cereal box, damaging her vocal cords beyond repair.
Carrie's story of heartache, despair and vitamin C injections will touch the heart of any reader.
Tea and Typhoid: A Sligo Saga
ReplyDeleteHomage to Catatonia
Stained: Hell is a Limerick Laundry
Mild Swans: Confessions of a Cleethorpes Concubine
The Descent of Bombay Sapphire: In the days of the Raj, a fallen woman falls a bit further
ECT Etcetera
(What am I doing here? I write mis-lit… or, at least, try to.)
Joining up the Dots: My Struggle to Read Braille with a Hook
ReplyDeleteEvery Breath You Take?: Breathing As A Dietary Choice - An Anorexic's Viewpoint (Incomplete)
Katie Price - What She Did When You Weren't Looking'
ReplyDeleteA diary of events detailing all those intimate times when Katie didn't have a camera crew with her.
Extract:
24th January 2010. Woke early, 12:15pm farted loudly and unwedged my jammy bottoms from my bum crack. Checked my mobile; any messages from Peter, none!! Maybe my filmed shopping trip to Waitrose with Alex will drive him insane with jealousy. I think I will buy Alex a jar of Vegemite, Petes favorite, surely that should tip him over the edge...again!
The house is eerily quite, children must be out having fun with their nanny.
I made my way to the on-suite to have a wee. Just four hours before the film crew was to arrive, just enough time for a spray tan top up, a set of new nails and my hair to be restyled with extensions. Farted again and made my way back to bed.